Soap
Operas - Sex in the shower
How do
you get him erect in warm water? The recipe is pretty simple. Find a couple of
inflatable neck pillows, run a bath, and add an invigorating herbal scent
instead of something flowery. Get inside, relax for a while, and let your
fingers do the walking. Add bath gel or mild soap, and let your hands do the
rest. Pull yourself closed so your legs go over his thighs, soap up Mr.
Stiffy, and go to town. You can vary the standard bathtub hand job by nestling
behind him. Sit upright while he reclines against your breast. Start with the
back, shoulder or head massage while you kiss and lick his neck. Reach around
him, or slide your hands under his arms, so that you can nab his nipples.
Again, work your soapy hands lower and watch his grower become a show-er.
Obviously, this technique works well on you with the positions reversed.
It’s
pretty easy to figure out that you can do just about everything in the tub or
under the shower that you can do lying in bed. You can give your guy a pretty
vigorous hand workout standing face to face to him, or with you on your knees.
Whenever you’re engaging in shower action, keep your back to the water so
that your face isn’t constantly bombarded by shower spray. And don’t
forget the rubber mat. You want him to swoon in ecstasy, but you don’t want
him to slip and crack his head open. Moreover, your knees will be a lot
happier with a little cushioning.
Speaking of
being down to your knees, you might want to try some oral action while
you’re both in the morning shower. Start with hugs, kisses and soaping
him up all over. Drop that little inflatable pillow on the floor of the tub,
kneel on it, and don’t forget to come up for air every once in a while. The
water will feel great on both of your heads and, when you’re done, you might
suggest that he try working with that pulsating shower massage on you.
Princeton
Belly Rub
Let’s
talk about a dryer technique, which is called the Princeton Belly Rub. The
basic position is face-to-face, lying down. The guy on top is in a push-ups
position, with elbows bent or on the bed. While your legs are open, his legs
are straight out between yours. Then, he can press Mr. Stiffy against your
love button and starts rocking back and forth using his toes for leverage. You
might try massaging his buttocks or nipples while he’s doing this. After
climax, just use your nearby hand towel to dry off your belly. This is such a
vigorous workout that it’s a good idea to make sure you’re a satisfied
customer first.
Backsliders
While most
men enjoy rubbing their penis between a woman’s breasts, it might be
impossible for the bosom-ly challenged. An alternative here is the backslider.
This is where you lie facedown on your stomach, while he places some lubricant
on your bottom (as opposed to IN it), between the cheeks. Your guy lies on
top, or straddles on his knees, and glides his shaft between those golden
globes. Like the Princeton Belly Rub, it feels great and is totally safe. Just
remember that this is only a short step away from backdoor sex – you’ll
get your bottom massaged pretty well, too. If you decide to proceed that way,
you’ll need more lubricant and a condom.
The
Pearl Necklace
This safe
and simple alternative has the woman lying on her back with the guy straddling
her waist. You can tweak his nipples, stroke his inner thighs, play with his
testicles, or play with yourself for that matter. In the meantime, he has his
way with himself, masturbating until he reached orgasm – you can help out by
squirting a little lube in his hand – and directing the semen where you want
it to go – your face, your neck or your breasts. Hence the name pearl
necklace, which can mean any style, from a simple choker to a luxurious opera
length strand, depending you your partner.
This
technique is extremely exciting for men because they know how to handle
themselves exactly the way they like, and because they never cease to love
watching themselves come. In theory, the woman doesn’t have to do a thing
expect suggest the whole procedure. He can have a party all by himself, and
you can close your eyes and think about the sale at Saks. But you know our
feelings on that: no tennis bracelets for sitting around with a bored look on
your face. For better results, you should be actively involved, urging him on,
with interest and enthusiasm. For variety, you can work in some of your own
hand techniques, directing his ejaculation toward the neck, thereby fashioning
your own strand of pearls.
M&Ms
… the
nickname for mutual massage. It’s completely safe; you both get what you
want and you can use any preferred lubricant as long as you don’t move into
intercourse. Although men know that when Mr. Stiffy needs attention, he’ll
take it from just about any place he can get, including his old, cherished
friend, Mr. Hand. So why do so many men have problems with handling themselves
in front of a woman? Some of the reasons popped up in yet another of our
informal polls included a fear that you’d think he was gay or – worse –
a geek if he knew how to toss off to well, that they’re obsessed with going
“all the way” and won’t feel complete unless they do, and that they’re
just plain lazy and want to do all the work. (The last response had a slightly
bitter note on it; we suggest you try not to think along those lines with your
partner.)
One more
reason came out when a friend of us told us about an experience she remembered
from college. Seems like one of her girlfriends ended up in bed with a guy and
fell asleep. When she awoke, she was horrified to find him tossing off and
about to shoot a shot on her. We think she probably shouldn’t have been so
shocked. After all, boys will be boys, especially in college, and he ...
...
was
probably ready with a story about the dreaded blue balls. But she was out the
door before either his explanation or his ejaculation, and the girl told just
about everyone she knew. The poor guy became known for his tossing off all
around campus, and everybody made fun of him. Maybe it was just college high
jinks, but it does appear that men are not quite as comfortable when it comes
to self-stimulation. This is probably changing, but you still may encounter a
little of the old-school shyness.
Sometimes
your partner may not have the right touch for you, so you have to take your
tings into your own hands for a while. The obvious thing is for him to handle
himself, too. So how do you, as a straight woman, let your partner know that
it’s okay for him to toss off? You could try working on yourself, and hope
he does the same. You might also let him know that you like to watch him. This
is also a way for you to hone your own manually skills by keeping an eye on
exactly how he handles himself. However it happens, just remember that
everybody likes M&Ms, and not just green ones …
Combo
Platters
Just like
when you’re at the shoe salon and can’t decide between the Prada pumps,
the Ferragamo flats, or the Blahnik boots, the answer is to go for all three,
because you’ll always find an occasion to use them. Following the fashion
rule of mix and match, you’ll want to combine some of your “do not
enter” techniques for maximum enjoyment. After some kissing and massage
action, get him into position for a little Princeton Belly Rub. If he likes
this, he may get close to climax, so be careful not to let him pass the point
of no return. Go back to some hugging and nipple action to cool him down for a
couple of minutes. Next, have him lie on his back, then it’s your option to
do manual labor, oral action or both. You can work on ...
... yourself a bit during
this, too, and he should figure out that it’s his turn to do the same to
you. When you both feel really hot and bothered, and you think it’s time to
let it rip, the move into position for some M&Ms. Lie on your back, and
have him straddle above you on his knees. You may want to work a little magic
on him to keep things moving. If you haven’t yet, put some lube or lotion on
your hand or tummy to keep things smoothly. Try working in some massage
techniques. When you decide you’re ready, just start
handling yourself. Keep your eyes on him so that he knows you’re enjoying
watching him, and he should overcome any shyness about tossing off on you.
Wait
here
“What do
I do while I’m waiting for him?” Even though you may be thinking about how
your nails look, it’s probably not a good idea to whip out your Revlon and
start polishing. Ideally, if you’re doing M&Ms, you should both be able
to have an orgasm at around the same time. In rare instances, however, your
guy may take a lot longer than you. If you find yourself in this situation,
you’ll want to help him along as much as possible. While he’s tossing off,
whip our all your tips and work on his nipples, inner thighs, buttocks and
testicles. He should get a charge out of that. Holding his testicles with one
hand and pressing around the base of his shaft in the “L” formation should
also bring him closer to orgasm. If he needs a little more lube, squirt some
onto his penis or into his working hand.
The
important thing to remember is that you don’t want to seem uninterested in
his orgasm, and the truth is, you probably ARE interested in it. He’ll like
your hands massaging and touching him, so he doesn’t feel like he’s flying
solo. He’ll also like it if you gaze admiringly at Mr. Stiffy and give him a
warm, affectionate sigh of happiness for a job well done. That way, he’ll
know you’re happy and that it’s okay for him to let loose, too. So hold
on, relax and enjoy the view.
Call me
All this
brings us to another set of “do not enter” alternatives where the
participants can be across town, or across the globe, depending on the budget.
Phone sex can offer a hot and heady experience when both partners go about it
with gusto. Unlike those naughty late-time ads on the adult station offering
men and women waiting to talk to you, we’re talking about phone sex between
two partners who are equally involved. You may think, “why bother?” –
but it’s something you might try while he’s on a business trip – just to
keep him busy thinking of you. If you want to get an idea of what it’s like,
or what to say, try calling one of those 900 numbers. Just be prepared with
something to tell your husband when he questions the phone bill.
The best
phone sex is obviously between two people who have already experienced at
least some degree of sex together. Just imagine how hot you could get your
husband if he called you one night while working late at the office. Don’t
use words he’s never heard, or refer to things you’re never done. If you
usually call his penis something cute, he won’t buy it when you start
calling it a “hot rod to heaven.” As with all recommendations, you need to
be an active participant in this scenario, too. Remember, he can’t see your
face, so he needs to hear it in your voice. You’ll also want to make sure
that he’s as into it as you are, or your conversation might end up being the
entertainment at the next Rotary Club meeting.
