DOs and DON’Ts sex and love
Before we
get into the actual tips, there are some preliminary things you should know.
While woman expect gold stars for having food in the fridge for the next
morning, men may not want to hang around that long. They want everything to be
perfect and do their best to design the most fabulous experience ever –
whether they expect to see that person again or not.
So while
some of these tips below may seem obvious, they’re worth keeping in mind.
Clean up your act
A nice
shower is always a good idea whether he smells like he just got back from the
gym or not. In your old life it may not have mattered, because you were the
wide receiver and he was the star quarterback. But now that your hands, mouth
and, yes, your nose will be in places they might not have been before – and
for a longer time, at that – you’ll want to be sure that he’s squeaky
clean. We’re not saying that a natural manly scent isn’t a turn-on, but no
one wants to stick the face into an old gym shoe. Hot and sweaty AFTER sex is
good, but BEFORE is another matter altogether.
If you’re
out on a date, chances are that he took a shower before heading out. But if he
just came upstairs from walking the dog or fixing your washing machine,
you’ll feel a whole lot better if you’re not gagging from the smell of
3-in-1 oil or the unpleasant odors. Likewise for eliminating that ambient
barroom smell of smoke or Scotch.
The very
same thing goes for you. Those silver plastic pants you saw in Vogue may look
HOT, but they might leave you smelling like the beach after a nasty storm.
We’re not saying you have to get crazy about this, but it does thing more
pleasant.
Rumor has
it that Chear, upon sighting a particularly sexy specimen, ordered, “Have
him washed and brought to my tent.” She can probably get away with that, but
unless you’re Claudia Schiffer or fabulously wealthy, do not, under any
circumstances, suggest that he take a shower. This could make him feel
momentarily undesirable or inferior to your royal pristineness. It is much
better to say: “Hmm, looking at you like that makes me warm. I think I’ll
cool off in the shower.” After that, look at him in the eye and remove an
article of clothing. He’ll be mesmerized – honest. As you walk towards the
bathroom, he probably won’t need any coaxing to join you. If he’s really
dense, don’t hesitate to offer a sincere invitation. If that doesn’t do
the trick, just say that you need to take a shower. Leave the bathroom door
open a bit, get naked get under water, and beckon him to bring you more soap,
a washcloth or your body lotion from the nightstand (you’ll read more of
such tips in our book). The rest is up to you …
Baubles and beads
While
we’re on the subject of you, there are a few other things that women’s
magazines often overlook: Did you ever notice that men might admire your cool
jewellery but they don’t wear much of it themselves? Maybe it’s true that
men are dazzled by shiny, dangling earrings and fluffy hair accessories, but
he really doesn’t want your tennis bracelet caught in his public hair, and
neither do you, for that matter. Even the smallest diamond studs, whether
they’re in your ears, nose or belly button, can do serious damage. Remember,
if it can cut glass, it can cut skin. Ditto on the watch, rings and ankle
bracelets.
There is no
doubt that sexy lingerie in a turn-on. It becomes a royal pain, however, when
those delicate pearl beads and crystal buttons get tangled and stuck in his
chest hair, or leave a dent in his skin. Keep it simple. Chances are very good
that you won’t be wearing it for long anyway.
Don’t get nailed
While men
are fascinated by your fabulous French manicure, and look forward to a gentle
back rub with your nails, no one wants to be fishing around in bed for a fake
nail tip. If he finds a Vamp lacquered nail tip between the sheets the day
after, he might freak out because he doesn’t know what it is, or worse, he
might think you’re a total fake. Civilized men are fastidious about clipped
and filed nails. Keep your nails trim and smooth, because you never know where
they might end up.
Scents and sensibility
Women’s
magazines are big on fragrance, but remember, they get paid big bucks to run
those ads. Contrary to what the salesperson says, men do not equate a certain
fragrance with fabulousness. It doesn’t make any different anyway. If they
can hardly remember your birthday, why would they remember your perfume? He
may like your Windsong on his mind, but not on his sheets, shirts and sofa. A
well-placed dab here and there is fine. Just don’t overdo it. Also on this
subject, the world is now filled with pollutants and allergens to which few
are totally immune. A sneezing fit when he leans forward to kiss you is a
surefire way to kill the moment.
Tip on Texture
Do wear
suede, cashmere, silk and leather for their sensual feel of smell. Don’t
wear scratchy wools, cheap stiff lace or things that make you sweat like a
pig. Another word on texture: You may never suspect it, but your public hair
can be just irritating on his lips and chin as his beard can be on your face.
Good sexual grooming tells us that the use of a simple, over-the-counter hair
conditioner can prevent a bad case of brush burn.
Hairy hints
Before you
get overly enthusiastic about running your fingers through a guy’s hair,
look at the texture and style. Does it always look exactly the same? Does the
feel of it seem a little odd? Don’t make the same mistake many women do.
Every time you run your fingers through his hair, he would push your hand
away. Suddenly, in a flash of brilliance, you realize the guy had a wave. So
if you’re looking for a splendor in the grass, make sure it’s not
AstroTurf.
While
we’re on the subject, one thing most women have no idea about is how to deal
with men’s body hair. While massaging or licking a hairy chest, thigh or
calf, do be gently. Unless you’re lightly tickling him, concentrate on the
muscle and not the surface, because an overzealous stroking may seem
passionate to you, but it’s a painful hair pulling for him. Creams, lotions
and massage oil can make it even worse. Use them judiciously.
A funny
thing happened to one man we’ve interviewed, who hooked up one night and got
a little over eager with the massage oil. Bursting from the bedroom in a fit
of passion, they bounced from room to room in a series of energetic embraces,
hitting just about every wall in the house. The next morning was surprising to
see their hand, back and butt prints, in oily silhouette, all over the prized
antique wallpaper so preciously preserved. Don’t overdo with the oils.
Another tip
we recently picked up on the net was: “Never tape body parts together.” We
concur.
Conversation stoppers
Don’t
discuss things like periods, rashes, yeast infections, bikini waxing or other
things that can make a man squeamish. Save that kind of talk for your
girlfriends. One businessman friend of ours was dating a woman who seemed
really nice, with a cosmopolitan flair. But after a couple of cocktails, she
tipped her hands: She was just another bimbette from the boonies. While our
friend was patient enough to hear about her Donna Karan panty house, their
relationship was over when she started discussing how her power puss punctured
the puny panty panel.
Bit bits
One last
tip reminds us of a particularly disappointing encounter with a woman, we call
the vampire. She was cute and passionate, but seemed to have an undue fondness
for love bites. Despite repeated and firm protestations in a loving voice, she
persisted in biting too hard and too often. DO give love bites gently,
sparingly and in selected situations. DON’T make him think that you’re
orally fixated, or that you didn’t eat enough for dinner. And never, ever
leave a hickey. That little trick grew really old after junior high school.
