Sex is like good conversation:
It’s not what you say, but how you say it. And who among us
couldn’t benefit from a few elocution lessons?
The
earlier sizzle, when men were so eager to show off their sexual prowess, was
long past. Women are taught to let men take the lead, which is fine. But as we
all know, men, and their penises, have limited attention spans and need
constant entertainment. Sure, men have sporadic flashes of genius. But for the
most part, sex could be reduced to kiss, touch, kiss, touch, kiss, pounce …
“That
was great for me, was it great for you?” The familiarity of lying side by
side with a couple of smooches and caresses is fine, but a little variation to
perk up Mr. Stiffy is always a welcome change.
Everybody
knows the basics.
Taking
up these techniques while you’re dating will surely lead to a quick proposal
of marriage. Introducing our tips if you’re married or in a long-term
relationship will, undoubtedly, lead your partner to suspect you’ve been
getting special coaching on the side. Tell him you have. Tell him whatever you
want. But think of this book as your personal trainer, at a fraction of the
cost.
“Can I see your tan
lines?”
We
offer this simple line because a question as this can get the ball rolling.
When the opportunity to have sex presents itself, men don’t need cryptic,
convoluted messages or fancy engraved invitations. On the other hand, they
don’t want to be trampled like they’re in a subway at rush hour. So not so
subtle is the key.
Let’s
face it. Most women just don’t seem comfortable taking the suggestion of
Marabella Morgan and greeting their partners at the door wrapped in plastic.
Besides feeling like an idiot, you might end up looking like the last bologna
sandwich left on the counter of 7-Eleven that no one wants to buy. Too subtle,
like cooking a gourmet dinner at home, will only make him feel full and much
too guilty about wanting to jump your bones after you’ve worked so hard. The
way to a man’s heart might be through his stomach, but in this case you’re
shooting for parts a bit lower.
Our
book will teach you to come up with simple lines to get the guys to shed their
clothes. Besides the tan-line, other tried and true lines you might use are:
-
To your
banker boyfriend: “Wow, you’re been working out. Make a muscle.”
-
To your
hippie English professor: “Do you really have a peace sign tattooed on
your thigh?”
-
To your
buttoned-down accountant: “Wait a second … let me get that thread off
your pants.”
-
To your
doctor: “Would you mind taking a look at this bite for a second?”
-
To your
new friend at the bar: “I have to go. Will you walk me home/can you drop
me off?”
-
To the
delivery guy: “Just a minute, my handbag’s in the bedroom”
The
variations are endless. Most men are bright enough to take the cue. All you
have to do is come up with a line that works for you … this book teaches you
all about it.
Just grab it
We’ve
had numerous conversations about when you’ve gotten the guy into striking
distance but are unsure about what to do next. Sure, you can look up into his
eyes with a sexy come-hither glance. You can throw your arms around his neck
and deliver a deep, wet kiss. Or you can slowly and seductively massage the
knots out of his neck or back. These might work, but in the end, there is only
one method that is absolutely fail-safe:
Take
a deep breathe, emit slow, audible exhale, look into his eyes and just grab
it.
You’re
probably saying to yourself that he’ll think you’re a slut. Rest assured
that any bad thoughts will be quickly dispelled by the novelty of your taking
the lead and by your awesome performance. This WILL make him happy. A little
ladylike initiative can go a long way. “Just Grab It” is more than a piece
of advice.
