It
goes without saying really, doesn’t it? But understanding that is another
matter. A highly intelligent woman friend of mine, slim, well adjusted, very
nurturing and very rich with it came to me one day to ask for my help trying
to understand her “toy boy” who was some eighteen years younger than her
at least. She was in her late fifties but looked ten years younger. She was
fit and healthy and sexually active. He wasn’t an ordinary “toy boy”
either, but emotionally dysfunctional, deeply attracted to older women,
needed a lot of nurturing from being brought up in a children’s home
himself and missed the loving attentions of a normal mother. He was a grown
man physically, highly sensitive, very intelligent, but incapable of
functioning without his mother near him.
My
friend grasped all that. She found him to be an exceptional and sensitive
lover and naturally wanted to hang onto him. She found him slipping away
from her and wanted to know how she could make adjustments in herself to
keep him. She was a very humble woman and was asking all the right
questions. The first thing I was able to say to her after hearing her whole
story was this. Young men will never stay with an older woman indefinitely.
It is good for the older woman to have a younger man as a lover, but
emotionally, it isn’t doing him any good at all. In the end he needs the
“juices” of a younger woman. He will eventually leave when he is well
enough to leave. But it is always possible to turn this relationship into a
friendship. It was going to be hard to make that transition from lover to
friend in this relationship.
But
an older woman and younger man dynamic has a better chance than any other
combination of male female dynamic, especially where they are so sensitive
and intelligent. The very qualities that attracted them to each other in the
first place. He had brought her alive sexually and made her feel in ways
that she had never experienced before. He took her to heights of sexual
release that she had never been to before and he had “fucked his
mother”, the underlying unconscious urge to heal his emotional wounds for
being abandoned so young by his own mother. Now he was straining at the
leash to fuck younger women. He was confident enough to fuck younger women
now, whereas before he was too vulnerable and too hurt to really release, to
really trust. He loved her without question but loving her was not the same
as being in love with her. She, on the other hand, was in love with him. I
would even venture to say that there was some soul link between them.
